POLICITIANS DIRECTLY LINKED TO BABOONS – For centuries man has been seeking the true identity of his origins and today I can confirm, with conclusive proof, that when it comes to our politicians, they are directly linked to Baboons.
Bear with me while I explain my findings, with the aid of my esteemed colleague, Rodger the Hamster, and I am sure that once you have read this you too will have no doubts that politicians are directly linked Baboons.
In order to fully understand the complexities of this study we need to look carefully at how we see the wildlife around us and how that wildlife is clearly defined as different from that of humans; or in this case politicians, which I’m not altogether convinced actually fall into the same category. So let’s start our journey towards the conclusion.
Cows – Now we are all familiar with these farm animals and whilst we might refer to one another as a “Silly Cow” from time to time there is in fact no link between humans and cows.
At times we think of our politicians as nothing more than farm animals, this mainly refers to Sheep, as politicians do have a tendency to follow each other around. Alas, this is just coincidence, or often hearsay, and I am able to confirm that politicians are not farm animals and certainly not cows.
Fish – Sorry no, politicians are nothing like fish. While we might be able to trace mans origins back to the oceans, man, and especially politicians are not related to fish. I have heard the arguments that fish are docile and harmless creatures, for the most part, and even a little dim witted but this where the similarities end. As dim witted as politicians are they are far too aggressive to be fish.
Geese – I have heard strong arguments that politicians are like Geese. When you compare the two both crap all over everything and are exceedingly greedy creatures. Also there is the fact that the likeness of a Gaggle of Geese, in terms of the incessant noise and cackle often heard in Parliament is remarkably similar, and to any normal human being sounds exactly the same, I have come to the conclusion that politicians are not descended from Geese.
While I agree the similarities are remarkable in a number of ways, for a start they cannot fly and while Geese may crap everywhere they do not crap on one another, so that rules out that theory.
Lions – I am not sure why I am even mentioning lions because lions are far superior in intelligence, prowess, elegance and integrity. You see a lion, or Pride of Lions, will not kill just for the sake of it nor do they take any more than they need. Finally the lion is known as the King of the Beasts – they are noble beasts and therefore clearly nothing like a politician. When you examine the term “a Pride of Lions” you can clearly understand why such a term is used; they are proud creatures and I have never met a politician yet who has anything to be proud about.
Crows – Did you know that the correct name for a flock or group of crows is actually “a Murder of Crows”? Well it’s perfectly true and this might lead you into thinking that politicians, considering they murder everything they touch, mainly the economy and of course other humans when conducting and engaging in illegal wars such as Iraq, could be linked to crows.
Alas, as murderous as a politician might be, they are not a direct descendant of the crow. Yes, I know you are thinking that crows are sneaky vermin and that the only good crow is a dead crow, which could be said the same for our politicians, but again this is where the similarity ends as crows are highly intelligent, which is not something you can attribute to any politician.
Owls – definitely not! Owls are wise creatures and carefully study their surroundings before striking. Politicians on the other hand consider very little about their environment and or what the consequences of their actions will be once implemented – Iraq is a perfect example.
Owls are far superior and actually help keep down vermin population whereas politicians are remarkably like the prey of the Owl.
So who does a politician decent from? I can reveal this day, after a lot of research – all 20 minutes of it – that politicians are a direct descendant of the Baboon. Let’s look at the overwhelming evidence.
A group of Baboons is known as a Parliament. Makes perfect sense doesn’t it? I could close there and leave it at that, but I am sure you are fascinated and wish to learn more about the similarities.
Baboons move and gather in large groups, are highly aggressive and will start a fight between each other over the most trivial of matters. You can see the exact same behaviour in any Parliament session.
Baboons are selfish creatures and would even steal food off the group’s babies if they think no one is watching. As you know being a thief this is almost a parliamentary requirement for candidacy in any political party.
Baboons scream and shout at each other constantly; this often results in fights with no visual signs that anything was achieved after the brawl. Yes, again you can clearly see the direct correlation between a politician and a Baboon.
It is therefore my conclusions, and that of my esteemed colleague ’Rodger the Hamster’, that Darwin’s theory that we descended from the apes is perfectly correct albeit Darwin failed to specify that most descendants; that is the hard working and honest human beings in fact came from a different species of ape, most likely the gorilla, while our illustrious politicians are direct descendants of Baboons.
Before I go I would like to express my thanks to Rodger the Hamster for all his hard work in compiling these findings, without whom it would not have been possible, due to Rodger’s ability to generate enough electricity, on his Hamster Wheel, to power my computer. Rodger you’re a star!